The government is in shutdown mode. but you are not. With the tools below we can govern our own lives. Just choose a branch of government you’d like to control, and have fun being your own boss. You Rule!
Is this ”America The Some Bits Are Kind Of Pretty”? No, it’s “America The Beautiful”. That means all of it, from sea to shining sea. Decide for yourself which bits should be declared national parks with this handy sign. Larry's Backyard National Park? Why not? The Empty Lot Behind Sharon’s House Conservation Area? You haven’t lived until you’ve seen it in the fall!
Seriously: do you know what polyglycerol polyricinoleate is anyway? Decide for yourself what stuff your food contains. Suggestions: “12.8 Grams of Yum.” “42% of your Recommended Daily Allowance of Sandwich.”
Decide for yourself what’s indecent. Believe kids could learn a thing or two about life from “The Human Centipede”? Give it a G. Think no child should ever be exposed to the horror of Rihanna’s performance in “Battleship”? Slap it with an NC-17.
With our handy kit, you can also block out your own swear words. We have bleeps of various lengths to help you obscure everything from “poo” to “goddammotherfuckingcocksuckingsonofawhorebitch”.
You know what isn’t closed? The school of life. And today you’re the Head of Department of the “Tell It Like It Is” Faculty. Find a child, slap this badge on his/her satchel and impart your hard-earned wisdom.